cluelessfather asked: This is a self-answering question sort of comment like thingy...You know what impresses me more than people who climb Mount Everest?
Single moms with multiple children.
I honestly have no idea how you (and others) do it. But congratulations on raising two terrific looking kids. Although it's great to have a blog (they are the modern day diaries) I highly, highly, highly doubt there will by any need for it to serve as any sort of reminder by the time they reach the age of 15.
I am certain your love and the sacrifices you made for them will be something they never forget, particularly as they get older and have the experience and knowledge to understand the depth of such devotion.
I never realized it until now, but it feels really damn good to be acknowledged and appreciated, even it happens to be by a stranger. :) I can only hope that as they grow, they see the same things and that you are absolutely right. Your post really touched my heart. In fact, I’m actually crying as I type. (I, like you, tend to be a little on the sensitive side, it seems!)
I guess, like any parent, I don’t really stop to think about what I’m doing or have done to get to where I am until someone brings it to my attention.
I can honestly say during the course of my life as mommy, I never stopped long enough to think about how we’re going to get from point A to point B, how long it will take, what we’ll need for the process, who may or may not be tagging along, etc. There is no procedure. The mentality has to be to just do the best you can with what you have, and get through it. Take each day as it comes, put the kids before anything (always, always need time for yourself, though), and basically do what you have to do to survive.
I know people often comment about the trials of being a stay-at-home parent, or a two-parent-to-one-child family, and I sometimes will catch myself thinking try it alone with two, dude. I won’t lie to you, when I actually stop to think about what it takes, it’s freaking hard. And the worst part of all of it is the “mommy guilt.” You know - that feeling that you’re inevitably doing something wrong that is going to screw your kids up for the rest of their lives, like letting them play with the iPod every night for an hour so that you can cook dinner after a 9-hour work day without them chasing each other screaming through the kitchen; or wondering if maybe the little one’s temperament stems from your inability, when he was months old, to hold him during feedings, or letting him “cry it out” because you had to change his two-year old brother’s diaper or get him lunch or keep him out of the dishwasher and away from the cabinets and off the stairs and OH SHIT HE FOUND THE DOGGY DOOR… and… and… ; or for all of those times you yelled or completely lost control.
I’m sure some of these feelings may be a bit ridiculous, and some may be pretty typical, but I can’t help that they strike every now and then. Especially when E-V-E-R-Y time I turn around, there is a brilliant new publication by some brilliant new psychologist/therapist/pediatrician/child development specialist with a brilliant new idea on what to do and what not to do and how to be the perfect parent. I mean, I know the little one’s temperament likely stems from a lot more than just “mommy didn’t hold you” (there is a background with that kid and his conception and entrance into the world that cuts deeper than the birthing scar I bear), and I know the iPod probably isn’t killing any brain cells because the amount of use is pretty regulated, but does that make it stop? Not even close. But when it comes down to it, there’s no amount of parenting advice in the universe that can teach someone how to sacrifice their whole lives for that of another – or in my case, those of two others. Changing your priorities, focus, and direction have to be conscious decisions - and there is no manual or brilliant new idea that can teach that.
I guess, like any parent, I don’t really stop to think about what I’m doing or have done to get to where I am until someone brings it to my attention.
I can honestly say during the course of my life as mommy, I never stopped long enough to think about how we’re going to get from point A to point B, how long it will take, what we’ll need for the process, who may or may not be tagging along, etc. There is no procedure. The mentality has to be to just do the best you can with what you have, and get through it. Take each day as it comes, put the kids before anything (always, always need time for yourself, though), and basically do what you have to do to survive.
I know people often comment about the trials of being a stay-at-home parent, or a two-parent-to-one-child family, and I sometimes will catch myself thinking try it alone with two, dude. I won’t lie to you, when I actually stop to think about what it takes, it’s freaking hard. And the worst part of all of it is the “mommy guilt.” You know - that feeling that you’re inevitably doing something wrong that is going to screw your kids up for the rest of their lives, like letting them play with the iPod every night for an hour so that you can cook dinner after a 9-hour work day without them chasing each other screaming through the kitchen; or wondering if maybe the little one’s temperament stems from your inability, when he was months old, to hold him during feedings, or letting him “cry it out” because you had to change his two-year old brother’s diaper or get him lunch or keep him out of the dishwasher and away from the cabinets and off the stairs and OH SHIT HE FOUND THE DOGGY DOOR… and… and… ; or for all of those times you yelled or completely lost control.
I’m sure some of these feelings may be a bit ridiculous, and some may be pretty typical, but I can’t help that they strike every now and then. Especially when E-V-E-R-Y time I turn around, there is a brilliant new publication by some brilliant new psychologist/therapist/pediatrician/child development specialist with a brilliant new idea on what to do and what not to do and how to be the perfect parent. I mean, I know the little one’s temperament likely stems from a lot more than just “mommy didn’t hold you” (there is a background with that kid and his conception and entrance into the world that cuts deeper than the birthing scar I bear), and I know the iPod probably isn’t killing any brain cells because the amount of use is pretty regulated, but does that make it stop? Not even close. But when it comes down to it, there’s no amount of parenting advice in the universe that can teach someone how to sacrifice their whole lives for that of another – or in my case, those of two others. Changing your priorities, focus, and direction have to be conscious decisions - and there is no manual or brilliant new idea that can teach that.
So, when faced with the question, “how do you do it,” the only answer that really comes to mind is you just do. And I guess at the end of the day, when the house is quiet and I’m alone with only my thoughts, and the questions and guilt and exhaustion start knocking at the door – that’s really the only thing that keeps me going.
You. Just. Do.
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