Out of The Mouth of Mommy - Vol. 1

A small collection of things I never imagined I’d say in my lifetime that I’ve found myself actually saying to my children:

“I’m gonna criss-cross your applesauce here in a second…” - Yep, me threatening my children in a last ditch effort to get them to quit playing in their food and eat it.

“Hey!  Enough with the wiener business!” - Yes, this actually came out of my mouth.  My boys are boys to the core and with that they find their little appendages quite curious and comical.  So, one night they were both laughing hysterically at the word “wiener,” while also managing to strip naked and streak through the house shakin’ their little tallywackers at anything that would give them half a look - in other words, me.  In a moment where I was really torn between laughing in complete defeat at my naked little hooligans, and still having the desire to correct whatever mis-behavior was going on, all I could muster was that one ridiculous command which served no purpose but to further their shenanigans and cause me to question my rationale as a sane person.

“Maybe unicorns and dragons live in Heaven with God.” - Say this to your kids and observe the blank expressions on their faces while you watch the wheels in their heads cranking at full speed ahead.  This is pretty much just me taking advantage of their vast imaginations and ability to be manipulated in order serve my own sick sense of humor.  But seriously, that shit is funny.  I know, I know - I’m a horrible mother.

Don’t worry, though.  They’ll pay me back for it tomorrow.